Saturday, March 31, 2007

Best Excuse Ever

"Mana buku?"

"Tak ada, sir..."

"Kenapa tak ada?"

"Sebab tertinggal di rumah... Rumah saya roboh..."

"Apa roboh??"

"Betui sir... MPS datang robohkan rumah saya... Saya tinggal rumah setinggan."

His friend came to his aid, "Sir, betui punya sir... You pergi jalan itu, kat *dunno what he was saying* ... You tengok rumah akhir sekali... Itu rumah dia, rumah kat tepi tu. Sekarang... Tak ada apa-apa lagi."

Have you heard this excuse before? My goodness. I never saw that coming. Not at all!

Not quite sure how to respond. You wanna teach them discipline, but on the other hand, you see them with compassion. You wanna show compassion, but on the other hand... *muffled giggle*... You gotta admit that it sounds very outlandish, rite?

Had to pull a poker face.

"Jadi, sekarang tinggal mana?"

"Tinggal rumah sewa."

I stood staring at the boy, thinking of what to say next.

"Hari itu... Balik balik main bola... Tengok rumah sudah tiada..."

Imagine coming home from playing footie in the field, only to discover that your house has been bulldozed to the ground. You're surely tired, sweaty and thirsty... Looking forward to that shower, cold water and food... How is it like to be greeted with nothing but rubble?

The boy looked strangely "amused" at his own predicament though. The way he was telling it. Maybe he doesn't know what kind of trouble he is in.

He wasn't finished yet. Just as I was walking away...

"Sir, rumah DIA PUN KENA!!"

He pointed to another girl at the next table. The girl wasn't too happy to be found out.

Now, this one almost got me. Cannot tahan... *muffled giggle*... Oops, I'm not supposed to laugh. So bad...

Welcome to Selayang. Where Selangor meets layang-layang.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

PIBG rocks...

I attended the PIBG meeting in school last Saturday. I apparently was appointed to "mewakili kaun Cina" as the AJK Guru.

Usul yang dibahaskan:

Memandang masalah disiplin pelajar semakin tidak boleh dikawal... Menurut pemimpin kita dan Islam Hadari... Sekolah kerajaan harus dijadikan sekolah satu jantina.

If this motion gets through the school level, they're going to bring it to the kementerian.

I went right up to the microphone with an opening question:

"Selepas membaca usul ini, apa yang saya hendak tahu ialah... Apakah justifikasi kenyataan yang sedemikian? Apakah peratus masalah disiplin di sekolah yang berpunca daripada interaksi lelaki dengan perempuan?"

Tuan Pengerusi:

Ada kes di sekolah ini yang pernah berlaku... Saya tahu sejarah sekolah ini... Pelajar lelaki dan perempuan boleh bergaul dengan cara yang tidak sesuai... Kalau pelajar bukan Islam buat kepada pelajar Islam, itu sebenarnya haram.

Well... Just because a few historical cases have happened before, we want to push for single-sex schools? Kes buli and gangsterism are even more serious. Forget about Kempen Anti-Buli and Rakan Cop then. Why not abolish public schools and push for home schooling?

If Muslim students do not want to be touched, then they will not be touched! Is it an unavoidable, involuntary act of the will? Men should be taught to respect women. Women should be taught to say no. You can't teach them anything if you just put them in seclusion. The first chance of contact they get, they will... Unleash!

If you wanna ban co-ed schools, then to what end? The ban should not stop at secondary schools. It should be done in universities too! Youth at their twenties are even more ready, willing and able of immoral conduct, compared to curious teens. What's next... Single-sex office buildings to avoid sexual harassment?

I went up to the microphone again. The gist of what I said:

Izinkan saya berbahasa Inggeris, kerana saya kurang fasih dalam Bahasa Melayu. Saya akan bercakap dalam Bahasa Inggeris, kemudian saya akan terjemahkan sendiri kepada Bahasa Melayu.

*The following things are said bilingually*

Men cannot be men without women. Women cannot be women without men. Widening the divide is not the answer. If we separate them, how will the men learn responsiblity and chivalrous behaviour? How will the women learn to understand men? Men will become increasingly chauvinistic, and the women will become more and more inferior.

If they interact with one another in schools, teachers can teach them how to properly deal with the opposite sex. I'll give you one real example. Dalam kelas saya, 2 Krypton... Seorang pelajar lelaki memaki hamun seorang perempuan... Sampai perempuan itu menangis. Selepas lesson saya, saya deal with the problem. Saya panggil budak lelaki itu.

"Apasal you marah-marah kat dia?"

"Dia yang mula dulu, saya tambah saja..."

"Kamu budak lelaki. Kamu tidak boleh jerit macam itu kepada perempuan."

"Tapi dia yang mula dulu..."

"Kalau kamu lelaki, kamu tidak akan memaki hamun perempuan macam itu. Kalau dia tampar kamu pun, you tak boleh tampar balik. You jadi lelaki. Faham tak? Tak adil, kan? Ya, memang tak adil. Tapi syarat alam memang begini. You jadilah lelaki sejati. Jangan buat balik."

Dia terus diam.

We have to teach the men to be strong. Mengapa banyak rumah tangga sekarang porak perandah? Kerana lelaki dan perempuan tidak tahu differences mereka dan peranan mereka. We have to solve this at the school level. Kalau tidak, macam manalah mereka boleh selesaikan problem mereka sendiri nanti.

No voice from the proposing side of the house.

The Pengerusi called the house to a vote.
Those in favour of single-sex schools: 4 votes.
Those in opposition of the motion: The rest of the house.
Oposition leader wins by landslide victory.

It astonishes me what kind of ideas people have in their heads nowadays. I don't mean any disrespect for the religion of Islam. But I cannot allow unjustifiable statements to be passed like that. Such policies do not help, but they make the situation worse! Even religious groups are having problems trying to cope with divorces and broken families. How can anyone with a sane mind ever conceive the idea that separation and seclusion is the solution?

When something bad happens, is it reasonable to just blame it on male-female interactions? Such interactions are not the root of all evil.

I came into the AJK PIBG, kicking and screaming. Initially, I was not too happy with the idea. I felt like this was another case of exploitation of "new, young, single, Chinese teachers". Other teachers say it is a "penghormatan" to be in PIBG. When they themselves laugh at the "much coveted postion".

But whatever it is, after my first meeting, I've decided to stay. For as long as it is possible.

If my appointment into the PIBG was a case of exploitation, those who put me there have something new to think about. When you put a lion in the council, you do not expect it to mew.

He will roar.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Constipation

I'm currently teaching the chapter on human digestion for Form 2 Science. They like it when I talk about constipation.

That's right. I tell them why you get constipation, how to avoid constipation, what happens during constipation... Talk about the rectum, the anus, and how you bleed when the anus wall gets cut by hard, sharp faeces... Tell them how you can shove pills into a sick cow's anus with your hands because its size is so huge... They like it! They listen with rapt attention. I don't know if the cow part is even true. But it doesn't matter, does it.

You try to expound every organ in the human digestive system, its functions and the enzymes involved in every stage of digestion... They don't give 2 hoots about it. You talk to them about defecation. That one, they like.

I came to asking myself: Why do I bother to systematically break down content matter, justify every statement I make, rationalize every point to make it reasonable... When absolutely none of those are remotely necessary? I can just make senseless statements without checking the facts. And they love it even more.

Speaking of constipation. I think I'm getting verbal constipation. I practically have no one to speak English with, except on Sundays. The Streamyx guy is taking a short eternity to fix things, so I can't blog. When I meet a Chinese fellow, and I have to speak Malay. And they'll go glancing at my name tag. "Oh, I'm actually Portuguese," I should say.

No wonder missionaries have stress levels that are a hundred fold greater than ordinary, local people.

I miss my days in St. Xaviers Institution and Penang Free School... Where you make sense to people when you speak intelligent English. I glance down 10 years down the road... If I'm still teaching Science for Form 1 and 2... I dunno. It bothers me.

I look at my class of 30 Form 1 students and 60 Form 2 students. I can't imagine how they are ever gonna make it in the world out there. I ask myself, "Am I looking at 90 cases of hopeless failures every day? What can I do to help them?"

Yesterday, a group of chinese boys were showing a severe case of disinterest and disruptive behaviour. After several attempts at conventional class control, I gave them a dose of rebuke. I muttered softly under my voice. In monotone. In fluent, perfect English. I didn't mince my words nor stuttered. I spoke much softer than my ordinary voice. I directed it to the group of Chinese boys. I told them things they didn't want to hear. Nor do I think any teacher ever did. The whole class fell into a pin-fall silence.

No rotan needed.

How come the Chinese kids know I'm scolding them? I was speaking close to a whisper. Yet, they can hear. I think they know English. They just pretend not to, so they can have a license to simply not know things.

Yesterday, the Principal said she wanted me to join the AJK for PIBG. "Guru Cina kena masuk PIBG," she said. Yeah. I'm so gonna communicate with the parents of the students who can't speak English.

"How can I help them?" I ask myself over and over again. "These are kids from very poor families. From practically zero education background. What can I do?"

Well. Maybe what they need right now is a little charity.

Hmmm... I think I know what to do.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

There Goes My Holiday

I thought I would be able to go back to Penang during the weekends. But I'm tied up with Pusat Tuisyen Akademik Maju on Saturdays. There goes my weekends.

I could've gone back during the 1-week school holidays. But I'm part-timing with D' Jungle People from Tuesday to Thursday. A sports camp at Rawang, Games X-plosion. There goes my school holidays.

SMK Selayang Bharu's Penolong Kanan is sending my name to be a Pengawas Peperiksaan during SPM. There's no escaping it. All new teachers are sent by the school to invigilate. There goes my November holidays.

But I'm not complaining. The one with D' Jungle People, I mean. I've part-timed with them twice before at Langkawi. Somehow, I actually feel proud to be identified with them in some way. Weird, but dunno why. Maybe it's because I kinda like the things that they do. And they are professional in their work :)

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I'm Diving In

Was informed today that I'm atually the Penyelaras Sains Tingkatan Dua... Not the Penolong Ketua Panitia. Yah, it makes more sense that way. But the job specification still comes with its necessary evils.

I'm now SMK Selayang Bharu's volleyball teacher. I have taken over Pn Noraini's place, the former Science teacher for form 1 and 2 before I came in. That also means I'm taking over all her responsibilities... Including being a co-teacher advisor for volleyball. On the bright side, my ko-kurikulum slot is now filled. So I don't have to think about starting a swimming club as long as I'm a volleyball teacher.

Oh, and Pn. Noraini is also a form teacher for 1 Radon. So that's gonna be my job too.

En. Mirashab, a colleague in the afternoon session, linked me up to another tuition job at Sri Gombak. Form 4 and 5 Add Maths. That's more in my league. 50-50 share of the profit. Apparently, the tuition center is losing its students because of incompetent teachers. But I guess it's a good place to start. I'll take up the 50-50 offer. And if I can build up a strong base at the center, I ain't turning back on the agreement :)

I've decided to commit myself to Kepong Gospel Chapel. The people there are very warm. Its members are very participative in worship. You don't get to count to 10 before someone stands up to contribute! It seems that Kepong Gospel Chapel has quite a reputation for that. Itinerant speakers seemed to have commented the same thing about them repeatedly. The young adults there are friendly people. My first Young Adults meeting will be on Thursday night.

I've got a phone line installed in my flat today. Along with a Motorola cordless phone that I won in a lucky draw to go with it! Once I can get my hands on a modem adaptor, I'll be connected to the internet from home.

I'm gonna print out my Science homework here at the cybercafe. Printing a black and white document here is 50 cents a piece! Internet charges are at RM3 per hour! Got no Queensbay Mall here to parasite free internet access :)

Just normal, shallow updates for now. Deeper stuff will be cooked up once I have internet at home.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Penang Boy, Checking In

Finally checked in to Selayang. Where Selangor meets layang-layang.

I'm now teaching at SMK Selayang Bharu. Science, form 1 and 2, afternoon session. After so many months of hopping from one school to another on temporary stints, it feels good to finally have a school to commit myself to. One that I can belong to.

The school's principal wanted me to start a swimming club. She wants to send the first team from Gombak to enter the state level competition. The Penyelia Petang wanted to appoint me to be the Penolong Ketua Panitia for Science. I think I know the difference between being a contributor, and being abused. "Hi, I'm new, naive, and altruistic?" No, I didn't say that. And I think I know enough to not enter with guns blazing. Yet.

I'm staying in a low cost flat. The whole place to myself, for RM350 a month. Thanks to Haji Tahir, the Penolong Kanan of a neighbouring school. He also happens to be the Penghulu of the area. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Found a job at Pusat Tuisyen Akademik Maju. Science form 2 and form 4, and Add Maths form 4. I'm earning an average of RM25 per hour there. Thanks to Hj Tahir again. His wife so happens to be the owner of the centre.

Made an acquaintance with En. Azahari at Kompleks Sukan Sri Siantan. He's granting me free access to the pool. They're at the brink of starting an official swimming club there. And I'm at the brink of joining the coaching staff.

I'll be paying a visit to Kepong Gospel Hall tomorrow. I haven't really decided on which church to commit myself to. But as a principle, I'd want to settle in a church nearby. Not so much because of convenience. But because I believe that by principle, one should build the local church from wherever he is. That is the correct concept of church planting. Churches should grow from bringing in new people from the vicinity. Not swell from bringing in Christians from other vicinities.

I've also changed my Digi prepaid number to a postpaid number. No, I'm not running away from debtors. And I don't lead a shady lifestyle. It's purely economical. Oh, and don't hesitate to contact me even if I'm not using a KL number. Because as far as Digi is concerned, all calls are at 1 flat rate nationwide. So the charges are the same, wherever you're calling from.

A new life, a new place, many new beginnings. This is Penang kia, checking in. With my PBF 9812.