... Is that when you buy it, it comes in a whole bunch. If you're cooking for yourself, it takes days to finish. And if you want to finish it before it rots, you'll have to eat celery everyday for the next 5 days.
What's for lunch? Celery with carrots and mushrooms. What's for dinner? Celery with carrots and mushrooms. What's for lunch tomorrow? Do you have to ask...
My blood pressure is gonna be so low, if you chop off my arm, my blood will trickle out in small droplets so slowly, you'll think my system does not run on blood.
I think I've become addicted to cooking. I wanna cook all the time! It's so weird. Maybe it's because I'm the type that naturally likes to plan. So it's fun to make plans for every meal, and execute them! I get to be the boss, and nobody gets to argue, disagree, or stand in the way. Hahaha. Boss. Hugo Boss...
It's interesting that I started out as a total nincompoop in cooking. Now, it has become... may I shamefully admit... my hobby! I'll earn my kid's vote as dad of the year next time.
Anyway, here are some tips for people who want to teach nincompoops how to cook. Coming from first-hand experience. From former nincompoop, to teacher, to other teachers who want to teach nincompoops.
1. Do not use phrases like "add salt to taste".
You must understand that "add salt to taste" makes no sense to a beginner. How much salt will make food too salty? How much sugar will make food too sweet?
You'll say, "Add according to your taste lah." But how will we know? Will one teaspoon of salt do the trick? Or two teaspoons? How will I know how much salt I need to achieve "my taste"? Do you even know what is "my taste"? How is "my taste"quantifiable?
Therefore, quantify what you say. For example, "Half a teaspoon of salt will be good enough for any average person for the dish that you're cooking now." That will be very helpful.
2. Do not give instructions like "dice the onions" or "chop the garlic".
To a beginner, words like "dice" or "chop" makes no sense. Dice means dadu, that 6-sided cube thing. Chop means chicken chop, that piece of western food thing.
When you ask a beginner to dice the onion, it is best to show him once by exemplification. Cut the onion into half, slice the onion into thin slices first, then cut the thin slices into small cubes. Then only it will make sense. Show the steps that lead to the end product, and the size of the end product. Then, he will register the verb "dice" into his vocabulary.
When you ask a beginner to chop garlic, know that it makes no sense to him either. Give an example, show the steps, then show the end product. He will register "chop" into his brain.
3. A beginner has no concept of fire control.
Know that to a beginner, a fire is a product of combustion between hydrocarbons and oxygen. Period. He does not know that different fire intensities need to be used to cook different kinds of food. He thinks that the bigger the fire, the faster the food will cook, thus the faster he gets to eat and forget all his problems. That, my friend, is every beginner's philosophy. Learn it well.
You have to tell a beginner the correct fire intensities for the correct cooking equipment. For example, non-stick pans must be used under slow fire. Or else, the non-stick surface may get scraped off into your cooking.
You also must tell him the correct fire intensities for the correct kinds of food. For example, vegetables must be cooked over low fire, meat in high fire. If you cook a vegetable over high fire, you may "kill" the vegetable. If you cook meat over low fire, you cannot "kill" the meat. Which one is easier to kill? Vegetable, or cow? Use your blain, use your blain!
Conceptualize, exemplify, rationalize. Standard procedure for teaching any concept under the third level of the Bloom Taxonomy: Application.
4. Never make any assumptions that a beginner understands anything you say.
Murphy's Law always happens to a beginner: What can go wrong will go wrong! Know that the vocabulary you use in the kitchen may mean a totally different thing to a beginner. Do not assume that he is equipped with basic understanding of how the "laws of the kitchen" work.
Understand this as a rule of thumb:
a) If you don't tell... He will do! For example. You did not tell him that oil and water do not mix in a hot wok. You did not tell. He will wash the spatula, and put wet spatula into the hot oil. You'll get atom bomb reaction.
b) If you tell... He may not do! For example. You tell him to boil the rice. He will put the rice into the rice cooker. He will turn on the main electrical socket. But he will not press the "on" button on the rice cooker. You will finish cooking everything else, serve everything on the dining table... And stare at disbelief at the rice.
There are many more tips I can think of. Will write more next time. Good chefs are hard to find. Good teachers are even harder to come by.
Happy cooking. And happy teaching the nincompoops!
Teah died. Abram went to Canaan. When there was a famine in Canaan, Abram took his wife, Sarai and went to Egypt.
Abram told his wife to say that she was his sister, because Sarai was very beautiful. He was afraid that the Egyptians may kill him and her away. If the Egyptians believed that she was related to Abram, he might be treated well for Sarai's sake.
The plan worked. The Pharaoh of Egypt showed favour to Abram. Pharaoh gave him sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male and female servants, female donkeys, and camels.
However, Pharaoh's house got struck with great plagues because of Sarai. When Pharaoh found out that Sarai was actually Abram's wife, he gave Sarai back to Abram and asked them to go away, along with all that they had. Abram left Egypt richer than before he came (Genesis 12:10-20).
Abraham (formerly known as Abram) repeated the same stunt again in Gerar. He fooled Abimelech, the king of Gerar into believing that Sarah (formerly known as Sarai) was his sister, for his own protection. And again, it worked.
When Abimelech found out about it, he questioned Abram why he did such a thing.
Just when you thought he would just tell the truth, Abram dared to say it wasn't a lie! He said "But indeed she is truly my sister. She is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife" (Genesis 20:1-13)
Eeyer... What a liar...
I thought long and hard...
I thought maybe I have misread it...
I checked my commentary...
The commentary confirmed it: "The marriages of the family of Terah were very close. In this patrician society, the marriages of close relatives was regarded as a sign of rank. Abraham and Sarah apparently agreed that she would invoke the plea that she was his sister wherever they might happen to be."
EEYER!! LIKE THAT ALSO CAN??
So, I thought again...
Oooh... So, Terah had more than one wife! How many wives did he really have?
I tried to think where I can check that out....
I found Terah's genealogy in Genesis 11:27-30. ..
No record of polygamy there!
Wow! Imagine... If Abraham had not leaked out that little piece of info to Abimelech, we wouldn't have known that his father had more than one wife!
Hmmm... So, I wonder...
How many wives did Terah have?
Dunno. Nobody knows... Bible doesn't say...
Hmmm... Then, I wonder again...
Why did Terah have more than one wife?
Ah, this one no need to think so long! It's because...
I dunno how many of you watched the live video-conferencing between our angkasawan and our Prime Minister on TV a few days ago. Our angkasawan was seen pulling out a piece of aluminium foil. Inside it was a copy of the Rukunegara. He read it in space.
Not being enough, he also reached behind him and pulled out an emblem signifying our 50th year of independence. He showed it in space.
The first time our Rukunegara is read beyond the earth's atmosphere! The first time a Malaysian goes into space during our significant 50th year of independence!
How symbolic. Very inspiring.
I thought to myself. What would I have done if I was there in outer space?
I would reach behind me in the zero-gravity room... Struggle to pull out an aluminium foil,... Open it, and read...
"Dato' Seri... Ini Article 11, Dato' Seri... Saya mau baca... This will be the first time all mankind will know about it..."
*Prime Minister and his wife start squirming in their seats on national television. TV station starts to cut transmission*
"Nanti, nanti... Ada lagi, Dato' Seri... I have a message for our young, aspiring angkasawans..."
*Prime Minister and wife resettle into their seats. Tries to smile*
"I am very bangga and berterima kasih because I diberi peluang to be the first Malaysian in outer space. I bertekad untuk inspire our younger generation untuk participate in space program and research. This time, we have to use a Russian rocket. But I hope that next time, we will have the technology, and we can build our own rockets..."
I had nasi lemak for breakfast today. The bill came up to RM14.60. I paid the Indonesian cashier RM20.60. She gave me back two RM5 notes and an RM1 note.
I told her she counted wrong, and returned her an RM5 note.
Sometimes I wonder is it still worth it to be honest. In the real word, the golden rule is unilateral. No matter how honest you are, you cannot expect the same to be done to you.
Let me tell you why I think the golden rule is unilateral.
1. Remember the guy who banged my car from behind? Up till today, he maintains that the police has not decided to summon him yet. I made a good, clean police report. And he's trying to lie his way out from paying for my insurance claim.
2. I was given a RM200 voucher from Brothers for a car window tint. I showed the guy the voucher. I said I wanted a tint worth around RM400. He showed me a tint worth RM450. To cut the long story short, he gave me a Sun-Good window tint, put a V-Good sticker on the rear window, and charged me RM450. Actually, the real price of the tint was RM650. The RM200 voucher makes it reduced to RM450.
And I later discovered that Sun-Good and V-Good tints are both ciplak brands. The really good one is V-Kool.
3. My kitchen sink got blocked. The plumber came to remove the blockage. Nothing was replaced. The plumbing costed RM120.
There are many things I could've done in return.
1. Since I have the guy's name, IC number and address, I could send him poison pen letters every birthday, new year, and Deepavali.
2. Since the Brother's tint shop is just nearby, I could drive there, wind down my heavily tinted windows, and "PTUIIII!!!" Then drive away.
3. I could walk downstairs and cut out the plumber's phone number from all his posters in my neighbourhood. So no one from Taman Bandar Baru Selayang will ever call him again.
Is it because I'm too lurus bendul? Is it because Chinese who can't speak the Cantonese dialect are more prone to con jobs? Or is it because I am incapable of lying?
Somehow I feel that lying is one of the most annoying and damaging sins a person can commit. Annoying, because the person who gets fooled will feel really stupid. Damaging, because it seriously tears apart your integrity... Something very easy to destroy and very difficult to repair.
I have a student in my class. Let's call him G. He is a prefect, clean shaven, bespectacled, and he doesn't look like a thug at all. But I've heard stories of how he sabotaged and won a Tamil competition, and how repeatedly cheated in exams.
I pray for a chance to confront him on his lying character. Dudes like him think that everybody lies, lying is a norm, and lying is a legitimate practice, as long as nobody catches you.
We look at laws back then, and we look at them now. The law is much more complicated today, because people in the past have found ways to lie through it or manipulate it.
The civilization of a nation is supposedly reflected by how well-developed its laws are. The more developed its laws, the more civilized the country is.
On the other hand, a nation with " highly developed" laws also goes to show that many people have found ways to get around those laws before. Therefore, the law is not really a representation of how civilized a nation is. Instead, it mirrors how crooked it actually was, and is!
Hence, I put it to you that the system we live in is notbuilt for people who need it to live. Rather, it is caused by, or built around, the people who live todestroy it.
Once, a girl who came and sat in my class. Let's call her A. She said she was from a different class, but she wanted to learn Add Maths. She said she had her teacher's permission to sit in, but she did not want to say who. I sniffed out who her form teacher was, and when I uncovered her plot of skipping classes... I called her in, gave her a lesson she will never forget, which also served as an object lesson for all the students in my class:
Cikgu Joshua is nice. But he tolerates no liars. Even if you don't believe in God, believe that Cikgu Joshua won't let you off as long as he has breath.
She dares not to look me in the eye again. Because she knows I have seen through her. It is difficult for her to be transparent before someone who cares about integrity.
Ah, well... Here's to the few lurus benduls left in the world... Even when you get conned to your last cent, always remember... Billy Joel still loves you.
Who said there is no career advancement in the teaching profession? Let me show you the way to the top.
First, take the Penilaian Tahap Kecekapan (PTK) exam. Pass that exam, can jump one step higher up the rung.
Next, aim for Anugerah Guru Cemerlang. Get that award, can jump another step higher.
Then, take Masters in Education.
After that, follow through to PhD.
Having a Masters or PhD won't make you jump any higher up the rung. But a string of academic credentials will come in handy (because that is all we can have) if you want to:
Aim for a position in the Pejabat Pendidikan Daerah, or...
Aim for a position in the Jabatan Pendidikan Negeri, or...
Get a post in the Kementerian Pendidikan Malaysia.
After that, enter politics.
Then, win the elections.
Then, become Menteri Pelajaran Malaysia (or Timbalan also can. Because probably the Timbalan may be the guys doing all the real work. Dato' Seri Hishammuddin has two Timbalans working under him. Dato' Hon Choon Kim and Dato' Noh b. Omar.)
Then after that, take over the world.
But first...
Before my meteoric rise to the top...
One thing is inevitable...
Must...
Pass my SPP interview first.
Bah.
Where to find coat ah... How to become Datuk like that... Chey. And I still love my bicycle...
(They say if we pass the SPP interview, we must sign the AUKU form, which prohibits us from actively participating in politics. Then, how do people in the government sector become cabinet ministers? Confused...)
"NUT. The other day, the NUT man came to our school to hand out their newsletter."
Oooh... She must've met this guy...
At RM5/month, you can be a member of NUT. National Union of Teachers. They will deduct RM5 from your gaji every month.
Interesting...
Many people have responded differently to what I purposed to do. Some say it's not wise to antagonize the hand that feeds you. Some say wait until the interview results are out before taking action. Some say, that's the way to go! Some say it's crazy.
I say... When 12 people went to spy the Promised Land, 10 people came back and said it was crazy. Only 2 people said it was possible for the taking. One was Caleb. The other was Joshua son of Nut... I mean, Nun.
I'm of the opinion that social justice and righteousness is more important than merely having a paycheck under your name every month. If we, being in the government service, the ones who witness such things first hand, choose to remain silent and do nothing... Who will?
We are not responsible Malaysians if we choose to bend, just to protect our self interests. The call for government servants is to be a servant of the people. Not a servant, period. There is a big difference.
A servant of the people does what is best for the people and its government. A servant licks its master's shoes for breadcrumbs.
