"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24)
Here’s the problem. Today, some people have already left their father and mother, and are already living as one flesh with their other half even before they are married.
Cohabitation between unmarried couples have become so rampant, society has actually come to believe that it is a norm. Is cohabitation wrong? Here’s what I contend:
1. If cohabitation is a natural progression of culture, and
2. If cohabitation is a matter of “personal taste”
Then it is completely alright. If otherwise, then it is wrong.
So, is cohabitation a natural progression of culture? Let’s examine it with a comparative analysis:
Going to the cinema, when it first became commercially attainable, was considered carnal and worldly. Today, it is a norm. Is it wrong to go to cinemas?
A few centuries ago, listening to music that has any syncopated rhythm is considered chaotic, sinful, and of the devil. Today, there are as many genres of music as there are languages in African tribes. Is it wrong to listen to music that has drums and electric guitars in it?
I think the answer to both cases is no. It is not wrong to go to cinemas or listen to music that is not Beethovenly because both cases are a natural progression of culture.
What about cohabitation? It’s not a natural progression of culture. It is a natural progression of disobedience.
Moving on to the second point. Is cohabitation a matter of “personal taste” then?
When we talk about issues like going to cinemas or music, sometimes the question of “personal taste” gets mixed up with the question of “right and wrong.” We may have certain reservations about going to a certain place, or about a particular type of music. And just because we don’t have a personal taste for it, we become naturally prejudiced against it and say that it is wrong.
But the case of cohabitation is different. It is not a matter of “personal taste”. When something is black, it is black. When something is white, it is white. There is no accounting for “personal taste” when something is as clear as black and white.
Why do I confidently assert that cohabitation is not a result of a natural progression of culture? Why am I adamant that cohabitation is not a matter of “personal taste”? Well, first of all, the Bible strongly implies so. And secondly, even secular institutions that hold on to some idea of morality explicitly says so too.
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13 comments:
I actually have a friend who doesn't want to get married, but prefers cohabitation because he likens the registration of a marriage to a contract. And according to his logic, you have a contract with someone because you don't fully trust the other party. Ergo, he doesn't want that marriage 'contract' to destroy something beautiful.
Twisted, eh?
IMHO, i feel there are flaws in what you've said.
Firstly, its not clear if you're speaking of christian cohabitors, or cohabitors in general.
If the former,then i wont say, but if in general, its impossible for any judgements to be made whatsoever.
Judged based on what? Asian culture? Modern-Chinese culture? Malaysian culture? Asians-embracing-west-but-pretending-to-hate-west culture? Because of the multiple cultures that have so many varied views, a judgement cannot be made. For what is something to one, is not to another.
"It’s not a natural progression of culture."
Err...That i disagree. The exapmple you gave, to me, strengthen the argument that it is a progression of culture. There's no clear example of what context is being used, western/asian/worldwide? Whichever, progression of culture is exactly that. Change. Accepting change. No one ever said it was necessarily for the better.
And the matter of it being right and wrong? Who sets the standard? Society? But that does not mean, that if they said cinema/music was wrong in the past, doesnt mean they weren't wrong then...
"It is a natural progression of disobedience."
Again, disobedience to who/what? On the basis of there not being God and the Bible, then how is it disobedience? If mama and papa of both sides are okay with it,then what's the problem...
"We may have certain reservations about going to a certain place, or about a particular type of music. And just because we don’t have a personal taste for it, we become naturally prejudiced against it and say that it is wrong."
I dont like Malay Rock, or Chinese opera or Hip Hop, but i would not call that genre of music wrong.
But you have done so. (as in called co-hab wrong)
Cohabitation i feel anyway, is personal taste. And i think from what i've said above, you know that its not so simple to call it black or white. Because its not.
Your black might be my white.
Judged based on what? Based on God's standards. Just because some people don't 'subscribe' to that school of thought doesn't make it any less true.
People once believed that the Earth was flat. Did that make it any less spherical?
Joshua,
Do you rmbr the day you tasted White Wine...beside me and Kit Siong? What happened after that?...Do you remember going upstairs?...for more info ..ask Kit Siong!
I once heard from the most respected Buddhist monk in Malaysia (who passed away a few months ago) that marriage was a man instituted idea. He believed that people in actual fact never had to be married because it was that way from the beginning. My my..Now even monks are on that bandwagon!!
The scriptures clearly teach that men in their utter depravity gravitate to sin. It's no wonder something as utterly dispicable of cohabitating before marriage is accepted today. Even more, with supposedly twisted standards of the world religions clearly not preaching against it.
Regardless of culture, God's righteous laws can be found in man's conscience. Murder, envy, jealousy, strife, hatred, sexual immorality... has never been labeled as cultural but everyone knows it's wrong. To make it even clearer, God gave the 10 commandments to tell us His standards. Regardless of whether anyone believes in the God of the scriptures.. we will all be judged by it!! This also goes with the gospel!! Just because it doesn't interest someone doesn't mean that he can avoid it's clear call to repentance.
The god of this world is loving this decay! Looks like he's supposedly winning for the time being... until our Lord returns!!
Broad is the way that leads to destruction!!
A.L.
Is cohabitation a natural pregression of culture? Are sexual 'revolutions' like free love, same-sex intimacy, orgies, paedophilia or bestiality progressions of culture?
Not quite, since they were doing those things 2000 years ago in Greece and Rome, and 2000 years before that in more ancient kingdoms, and 2000 years before that in pre-kingdom societies. You might say it is rather a regression of culture.
Who chooses the norms and acceptables of our culture? For practising mainstream Christians, God chose the rules and set them down in the Holy Bible. For others, it's not so simple to tell them off that "It is inarguably wrong". But please see the PS at the end of this comment for one way of arguing home the point in such a case.
But through a solely objective argument, statistics show that those who cohabited before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. Weird huh? If you've tried living together already, shouldn't it make you more likely to be ready for marriage?
The problem is partly because, having demoted marriage by cohabiting, the couple has less devotion to the marriage. And in the Christian context, the marriage contract we have before God is much more powerful and binding than any physical papers. The irony of sleepypurplepiglet's friend is that not having any contract is more likely to destroy the marriage!
If you look into the whole relationship scene deeper, you might also see marriages that start from dating relationships breaking down faster and more often. The attitude of 'if it doesn't work, dump it' carries on into marriage. At the horrible, painful expense of the spouses and children. Any wonder why broken families are becoming the norm?
PS. This time my name links directly to a specific post I blogged, "Morality: Of Absolutes and Relatives". It's related to what I just said, summarized as: If God didn't set the laws, then man did; therefore, all laws are arbitrary and can be changed at a whim to suit our personal tastes, and only I should choose what laws I want to follow. Otherwise known as Moral Relativism.
(Sorry to Joshua if I'm illegally parking! I agree to reciprocate the favour.)
Okay, the link mentioned in my PS above didn't work out. Here's the post: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2006/08/30/morality-of-absolutes-and-relatives/
And queen shelby... http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2006/07/24/rb-a-sign-of-the-end-times/ :)
Sleepypurplepiglet: That's what Tim Montgomery and Marion Jones did. They lived together, and even had a baby together. All this, without going through a "trust-destroying marriage contract". Today, they already split up. So much for preserving the trust in a beautiful relationship, huh?
Queen shelby: I'm speaking of Christian cohabitors, as well as cohabitors in general. I don't see the need of separating both cases, because the application of truth is the same for the Christian and non-Christian alike.
Doing something that the Bible says is wrong doesn't become any less wrong if that person is an unbeliever. That's why the gospel truth in its fundamentality is universal for believers and unbelievers alike, isn't it?
The onus is not to prove whether or not it is permissible by current culture or personal taste. The real onus, therefore, is to see what the Bible really says.
What I was attempting to do was to go the extra mile and show that even apart from the Bible, cohabitation is no less acceptable.
The extra mile is good, because most non-Christians reside beyond the first mile. I personally prefer to argue from a Christian stance with Christians, and a neutral/objective stance for non-Christians. Reason being, most non-Christians will immediately reject any reasoning, argument or persuasion that starts with the view that Christian beliefs are right and every other belief is wrong (to varying degrees). Wouldn't we automatically ignore someone who tries to stop us from eating certain meats because their religion forbids products made from that animal - even though he is convinced his belief is the only correct one?
Btw, anything happen recently to rile your righteous indignation against cohabitation? It's usually the case for me.
On one hand I do foresee that using the bible to show unbelievers (even 'supposed Christians') God's view on a certain subject may make them reel back in rejection of it. But on the other, how is it possible that we choose to use our own human intellect to rationalise what is right and what is wrong to them? Where are our convictions coming from then?
We must approach every subject on morality with the scriptures as our source of authority. The Lord will give us wisdom to open His word to them and show them the error of their ways. God's word is powerful and able to bring a depraved soul to repentance!! Of course, we must not equate this mindset to foolishness when presenting God's truth to people (eg.bible bashing, poor handling of scripture). But speak the truth in wisdom, love, long suffering and with the conviction empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Just imagine how futile an exercise it would be to continually use our own reasoning to explain a moral issue to unbelievers.. when the word of God plainly spells something out as wrong (scripture very often spells out what is right and what is wrong..not grey). Surely we're not going to be like pshychologists (secular and gullible 'Christians' alike) who attribute nothing to the sinfulness of men.
You can reason with men for a while .. but you must finally point them to the scriptures!! It would be impossible to bring any persons mind to subjection of the holy standards of God if a believer is ashamed of God's written authority.
A.L.
hmm...interesting topic
one sentence sums it all up
"DO NOT test the Lord your God"
pre-marital cohabitation is morally and spiritually wrong.nuff said.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 & 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1 Thessalonians 5:22-23
scriptures for reference for the uninitiated =)
God bless us all...
-J-
We all agree that it is wrong. But has anyone here said anything to friends who cohabit?
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