Kiam Siap Kui!

So I looked, and behold, a black horse, and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, “A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; and do not harm the oil and the wine” (Revelation 6:5-6).

I can see the “or beh” looking at me. I’m tired of always being broke. And I’m tired of getting turned down because my prices are too steep.

I always emphasize that I give quality service. But I guess that’s not the way to go. People always go for the cheaper deal. And everyone claims to be giving quality service anyway. Bah.

What to do. We’re cina. And all cina think like that. Always wanting to get the most for less. Sigh… If you can’t beat them, join them!

Here’s the new deal. RM30 per hour for personal tutoring. Maths and sciences for all forms. English proficiency lessons are incorporated as a bonus. You call me, I come there. I will prepare or buy the necessary materials at no extra cost. I have a long list of teaching stints under my belt. Taught in Penang Free School in 2002 and 2003, Convent Green Lane in 2004, Methodist Boys’ School in 2005, St Xavier’s Institution in 2006, and currently teaching in Convent Green Lane again. I’ve got good reviews from every school. Don’t believe? Ask my former students.

I’ve done personal tutoring for Form 1, Form 2, Form 3, and Form 4 too. I’ve taught in a tuition center before also. And I have a degree in Bachelor of Science With Education, with honours, mind you! Go look for a better personal tutor at such a killer rate if you can. Sure cannot find wan. Don’t believe me? Ask the black horse.

Swimming lessons. RM150 for 10 lessons, 1 hour per lesson. You arrange the venue, I come there. My credentials go a long way. Former state swimmer. My state record is still standing (Google it up and see). Qualified lifeguard and lifesaving instructor, certified by the Life Saving Society of Malaysia. Represented Malaysia in the Asia Pacific Lifesaving Sports Challenge (Japan, 2005), and in the World Lifesaving Championships (Australia, 2006).

You can be sure as heaven that you won’t drown in my hands. And I can help make you become who I once was. It can’t get any cheaper than this. Don’t believe me? Save yourself the trouble of doing a survey. I’ve done my research. You can’t possibly go any cheaper than that in the entire Penang island!

Lelong lelong… Cheap! Cheeep! Cheeep!

No need to tell you good or not. Because even if I do, you won’t believe. So…

CHEEEEP!