10 Things I Miss About Penang

1. Great shopping malls. Can get to shopping malls at minimal cost. No need to think of jam factor. No need to worry about petrol. No need to agonize over “shall I take the LRT, or shall I drive?” The only thing you need to think of is which shopping mall you wanna go to.

2. Great food. You don't need to worry about price. You actually get to choose which kind of food you want, and which taste you’re hungry for. Economy factor and volume factor comes last. Char koay teow. Laksa. Loh mee. Hokkien mee. Sotong bakar…

3. Great drivers. Motorcyclists come at you from right and left. When you put on signal lights to change lane, it doesn’t mean you’ll get to change lane. When there’s a no parking sign, it doesn’t mean people won’t park there. When it’s a main road, it doesn’t mean people won’t stop there. Penang… Where great drivers are born.

4. Great parking. No need to worry about sky-high parking fees. There are lots of places you can park. You see where got people park, you just park there also. No need to pay wan.

No need to find the nearest parking machine. No need to always have 50-cent coins with you. No need to lock your car door, walk from the car to the parking machine, get your parking ticket, go back to your car, open the door, put the ticket on your dashboard, and lock your car door again.

In Penang, we still use the human parking system. The parking attendant comes and puts the parking ticket on your car. If he cannot be found when you’re about to leave, you can drive off and run away.

5. Great internet access. You don’t have to spend more than 10 bucks at Starbucks to enjoy free Wifi. You can go to Nasi Kandar Istimewa, order a limau ais, and go online for as long as you want. If your battery runs out, you can charge your battery there for an additional RM1.

Paling best, go to Borders at Queensbay Mall. You can sit at the magazine area just beside Starbucks, and enjoy free internet access. No need to order limau ais or Frappucino. Just pay RM1 per entry for your parking fee.

6. Great communication. When you see a Chinese guy, you automatically know which language to use. Just speak Hokkien. You can be sure that he will understand. You won’t look like a stuck-up chinese, speaking ang-mor. Guarantee they will layan you much better. If someone cannot understand Hokkien, he is the odd one out. Not you.

7. Great beaches. If you want to go to the beach, you can choose which beach you want to go to. Beach for makan and scenery, go Esplanade. Beach for hiking, go Pantai Kerachut. Beach for picnic, go Batu Ferringhi in the morning. Beach for pirated DVDs and authentic pasar malam products (guarantee fake), go Batu Ferringhi at night.

8. Great parks. If you wanna exercise, go Youth Park. Got jogging track. Got playground. Got fitness ground. Got foot reflexology pebble path. Got skating rink. Got extreme sports skateboarding rink. Got football field. Got netball court. Got ping-pong table Got tai-chi gang. Latest one, got swimming pool!

If you wanna see monkey, go Botanical Gardens. Mutiara Perdana got also. Block Cempaka, 4th floor, M-5.

9. Great hills. If wanna get fit, go Bukit Dumbar. Got people go jogging there all the time. Got squash court also. Nicol David’s training ground. If you look closely enough, you can still see her sweat stains on the court. If you wipe it with your handkerchief and keep it in your pocket, it will bring you good luck. If you’re still reading this and you think I’m serious, then something is wrong with you :)

If wanna enjoy cool weather, and green serenity, go to Penang Hill. Take the train up if you malas. Hike up if you rajin. Take long walks at the top of the hill, see all the quaint mountain houses, breathe fresh air, enjoy the peace and relax your mind. When hungry, there’s hot food served at the cafeteria. If you like reading, bring a good book with you, order a hot milo and spicy kacang kuda. You can sit there all day. If you want a 1-day getaway, you can book a room there and spend the night in a colonial-style hotel. Come down the next day, fresh and reinvigorated.

10. Great state anthem.

Selamat Tuhan kurniakan
Selamat Pulau Pinang
Negeriku yang mulia, ku taat dan setia
Aman dan bahagia.
Majulah, jayalah,
Negeriku yang ku cinta
Bersatu dan bersama
Untuk negeri kita.

Notice no praise-heaping about any particular person happens here. You don’t have to mention the name of which God you’re singing about. You can sing it without being an apostate. That’s why it’s unique :)