Going to the chapel and we're...

The craze is on. Everyone is getting married!

When you get too many wedding invitations over a short span of time, you’ll feel like you’re getting a saman. Why? Because we’re Chinese. Our culture demands ang pows during wedding dinners.

When you receive a Chinese wedding invitation, you’ll want to see where the wedding dinner is going to be held. If it’s a simple dinner at an affordable place, you can give a small ang pow. If it’s a high-class dinner at an expensive place, you have to give a big ang pow. The size of your ang pow should be in accordance with the size of the wedding dinner. They even write down your names as you give your angpows! Imagine if you give a midget-sized ang pow? You’ll get dirty looks.

Some wedding planners will advice you to do your invitations wisely. They’ll tell you to invite people whom you think is likely to help you cover your wedding costs. You cannot simply invite all your friends, if all your friends are from the middle or lower income group. You have to invite people who are not close to you as well, if they are from the upper income group. You can’t afford a posh wedding, right? But you do want to make it special. Inviting the correct people is the key.

Woah. You’ll be surprised! Some will say “No lah, I’m sure she’s not that kind of person. She won’t purposely have a big wedding at expensive place, and expect people to give big ang pows to ‘pay her back.’ ”

Well, yes, that may be true. In fact, I believe that should be right way to go about it. You don’t plan an extravagant wedding and expect people to cover the costs for you. You should plan a wedding that is within your means, and make it meaningful in ways that does not involve high costs. If people do give you ang pows, then you can take it as a gift. A blessing. Not as an expectation.

However, the thing is, we cannot underestimate the Cina in us! Even if your friend who is getting married doesn’t think that way, it doesn’t mean her spouse wouldn’t think that way. It doesn’t mean her parents wouldn't think that way. Or her spouse’s parents wouldn’t think that way.

Also, if you’re getting married and you don't expect ang pows as “pay back”, it doesn’t mean that other people will think the same way. For example, let’s say you do decide to have an extravagant wedding. You can afford it. You don’t want people to give you big ang pows to “compensate” your costs. You just want people to share the occasion with you, and be happy for your wedding.

However, the recipient of your wedding invitation may not think that you think that way! They'll think, "Of course, you wouldn’t explicitly say that you’re expecting big ang pows, even if you really are expecting it, isn’t it?" It’s an unspoken, cultural understanding. So, if it’s an unspoken understanding, people would assume the culture to give big ang pows. Face is more important than pain.

There’s no escaping it, no matter how you choose to think. You want people to “compensate” your wedding costs? It’s already a cultural rule, so you don’t have to worry about it. You don’t want people to feel that way? It’s already a cultural rule, so they’re gonna assume you’re expecting “compensation” anyway.

Alas, we’re already married to our culture even before we’re married!

Look to the way of the Malay wedding. Wedding invitation is made of manila kad. Inside, a piece of paper is glued on it.

First page… Doa untuk pengantin.

Second page… The invitation to invite you and your family. No need to RSVP. No need to tell how many people are coming.

Third page… Jamuan makan is 12:00 tengah hari – 5:00 petang. You can come anytime. Ang pow? Whassat?? Even RM5 is already a big gift for them. Because their culture does not expect anything in return.

Fourth page… Map. The wedding and the jamuan is held in their backyard. They block up the road, and put up tents.

The day before the wedding, they’ll send some dispatch boys to hammer wooden signs at junctions. Amira & Suhaimi *arrow pointing right*. Farah & Hisham *arrow pointing left*.

Cool, isn’t it? Simple and nice, no trouble at all.

Have you wondered about what to put on your wedding card? To cut through all the trouble, I think it’s best to be short, sweet and explicit.

Like this:

First page…for the wedding dinner…










COME AND EAT
WEAR NEAT NEAT
DON’T BE LATE
MAKE SURE PAID!





Second page…for the church wedding ceremony…










COME AND SEE
THIS ONE, FREE!