For richer or poorer

Don't you think it's strange... That you seem to be richer when you were a student? I thought it was the other way around. Now that I'm working, I seem to be nearer to the poverty line!

When I was a student, I was living on a scholarship. Added with RM300 from my father's monthly allowance, I was eating like a king. Easily a red dollar bill per meal. Sometimes even more, after a workout in the pool.

Now, I'm scrimping every dollar on food. Skipping lunches every once in a while. Hogging freebies every jamuan when I can.

I had a dream of becoming a triathlete last year. After a while, I realized it will remain just as a dream. No funding for body fuel.

It got me thinking about my father. He was just a school teacher like me. Sole bread winner. How did he find the means to raise my family?

He had 3 jobs.

I hear ikut skema people saying it's not right for government servants to hold more than one job. Well, if my father ikut skema, I wouldn't have had the opportunities to train to be a swimmer, would I? I wouldn't have made it to the national championships, I wouldn't have made it to Sukma, I wouldn't have become a lifeguard, I wouldn't have become a national lifesaver, I wouldn't have represented my country in Japan, nor participated in the World Championships in Australia, would I?

The money involved just to give me a proper nutrition would've been sufficient to raise 4 kids in Selayang.

Trust me. My family was not the spendrift type. My father drove old cars all his life. We lived in rented houses and flats until I hit secondary school. The house that my father finally managed to buy was a humble one, not more than a hundred grand. If cars and houses are the things that determine your status, my father had nothing much to show.

He never pampered himself with anything luxurious. His clothes have the sole purpose of covering his body decently enough to get to work. Discounts in Sunshine Square appeal more to him than brands.

Thinking back, he must've loved me a lot. The amount of hard work he put in just to fund my nutrition for swimming... And seeing me through my entire education, which in total, did not amount any more than 2 grand in fees... He couldn't have done it with only one job.

Yet I hear ikut skema people saying why it is not ethical for government servants to hold more than one job. Probably, people who ikut skema can afford to ikut skema because they are affluent enough to ikut skema.

Well, anyway... I've digressed.

I learned that it is impossible to serve both God and mammon. Jesus was right.

The world's values are totally in conflict with the heavenly kingdom's values. The work you do for the world will give you money. The work for the Lord won't give you a cent.

But here's the thing. The world's rewards in monetary terms will last you no longer than your stay on earth. The heavenly kingdom's rewards start the moment you end your stay on earth, and stretches for eternity.

So, you have 24 hours a day. If you put all your time to work for the world, you will get a lot of money on earth. If you put all your time to work for the heavenly kingdom, you won't get a cent here. Which will it be? Broke on earth, or broke in heaven?

Therefore, the "smart" thing to do is to find the best possible balance between the two... The delicate line that keeps you alive on earth, while you do your best for the kingdom.

But here's the other thing. The same Person who said you cannot serve both God and mammon also said these things:

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys the field."

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it." (Matthew 13:44-46)

He didn't say anything about "finding that delicate line between the two." He said "sell all".

It's like a cosmic gamble. If you believe Him, you put all your chips with Him. Then you cross your fingers really hard. And you hope He'd better be right.

But you still cant run away from the fact that you want money. In those deep, dark moments... You secretly wish you can be rich... And hush hush yourself for such a shameful wish.

I heard this song on the radio once:



Shamelessly blatant and funny! That song rings in my head at night. And I chuckle to myself before I sleep.