No more I love yous...

Pn. R, the Penolong Kanan Ko-k called me during the holidays. She wanted me to start a Kelab Renang. The Pengetua wants the school to be the first from Gombak to enter the state level competition.

Ok. The deal was this. Release me from PIBG. And I'll do the Kelab Renang.

I thought I'll draft out a 3-year plan. Make arrangements with the Sri Siantan pool for cheaper rates. Teach them a new skill. Introduce them to lifesaving. Give them opportunities to become qualified lifeguards. So they can have a job to do after school hours, to help make ends meet.

Sounds like a plan, huh.

Staff meeting. All 4 of my positions in school are maintained. On top of that, 5 more new positions are added.

No. 1. I am still form teacher. But of all classes, I get to be form teacher of the last class in Form 4. I bet nobody wanted it. Give it to the young guy. He can handle it.

No. 2. I am the newly appointed Penyelaras Tingkatan 4. I have the much coveted job to handle all the Form 4 registers, besides taking care of my own. 11 classes in all. I will have to process every form 4 student who comes in or leaves the school.

My name wasn't initially on that position. It was some other woman. Her name was canceled of with a stroke of a pen. And my name was written on it. "Aku tak boleh buat lah. Bagi Joshua lah." Seniors choose. Juniors do.

No. 3. Yes, I'm still in the Lembaga Disiplin. In charge of the Sistem Merit Demerit.

No. 4. Yes, I'm still in the PIBG. AJK Guru.

No. 5. New post. Kelab Guru & Staf Sokongan (KGSS). AJK.

That's 5 administrative positions.

Now let's go to the co-curricular ones.

No. 6. Kelab Fotografi. "You pegang saja kamera ini. Pelajar yang buat kerja. Kalau pegang fotografi, boleh cepat naik."

Yah, you think I was born yesterday, Pn. N. If it's so simple, why don't you pegang it yourself? Everyone says the work is sikit saja, sikit saja. Well, a lot of sikits will make a bukits, no?

Kalau nak naik, ada banyak cara. One of them is being good in the classroom, no?

No. 7. School magazine. I am the AJK Fotografi Pagi. Since I am in the kelab Fotografi, I am in the school magazine as well by proxy. It's the whole she-bang.

No. 8. Rumah Mat Kilau (yellow house).

No. 9. Kelab Renang. Start the club.

I learnt that there is actually no communication between the different departments. The Penolong Kanan Ko-k will give you work for her purposes. The Penolong Kanan Hal Ehwal Murid will give you work for her purposes. Both heads don't communicate their plans with one another.

If I were to ask the Pengetua if she can look up some random teacher's name, and tell me what positions he/she is holding, I don't think she can do that. Because if she can, she does not need us to list down all our duties each year for our Penilaian Tahunan, does she? That's how people end up with 9 positions in a year. That's how people have posts that you never even heard of, and get points for it by the end of the year.

Here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to tell the Penolong Kanan Ko-k, "Pn N, no deal. Saya tak akan bergerak."

No. 1. 4 Earth. I'm gonna love you. If you can't pay your fees, I'll make you pay by installments. Take out your wallet and gimme a dollar. A dollar a day will pay your fees in 2 month's time. I don't want any trouble. I just want to get the job done.

No. 2. Penyelaras Tingkatan 4. New boy comes in. His parents cakap Cina with me, because they can't speak any other language. They don't have their documents.

"Puan, sorry ah. Please get your documents ready and come back when you or your child have learnt the lingua franca. Or else, please go to a special school.

I only process students who are fit for this school. If you are not, I cannot assimilate you into our registry system.

You know what is assimilate? It's the same word you use in food digestion. You ingest it with your mouth, you digest it in your stomach, then you assimilate it in your intestines. In other words, it's the last process before you get the shit."

No. 3. Lembaga Disiplin. If I don't like you, I'll just enter demerit points into your name without you knowing it. You'll be gone before you can say abra-selayang-bra.

No. 4. PIBG. I won't turn up. Just watch and see. Don't like it? Drop me. Please.

No. 5. KGSS. Pegang saja, kan. Ok lah. Itulah yang saya akan buat. Pegang saja. I'll show you how good I am at pegang-ing. Just pegang la. Pegang...

No. 6. Kelab Fotografi. I'll take the camera. I'll use it for my own purposes. I won't remember to bring it to school. I'm senile. Buy me Omega 3 fish oil.

No. 7. School magazine. When there's even the smallest event, I'll bring the camera, and skip class. Pergi ambil gambar.

No. 8. Mat Kilau. Go yellow!

No. 9. Kelab Renang. Very simple. I'll tell them how much it costs to enter the pool. I'll show them how much it costs to buy swimming gear. Too expensive? Sorry. It's pool rules. No gear, no swim. Nobody can afford to join? So sad....

Or, I just pull off a medical leave on AGM day. No teacher, no promo, sure no students. Apa boleh buat. Tak ada orang minat. Tak boleh ada kelab lah.

Sorry lah, SMK Selayang Bharu. Wanna play games? Let's roll!